


too much

by steviesfreckles



Series: Bits And Pieces [2]
Category: The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Just a snippet, Lawyer Alec Lightwood, M/M, Professor Magnus Bane, mention of thoughts of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:00:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21755671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steviesfreckles/pseuds/steviesfreckles
Summary: Alec was told once, that he was too much. Magnus prefers to think of them as not enough.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Bits And Pieces [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1568008
Comments: 1
Kudos: 91





	too much

**Author's Note:**

> if you want to yell at me about my writing, feel free to do so on twitter @gigidarling_, on snapchat @deviantofnormal, or Tumblr @deathofsirens

“You’re- you’re just too much, Alec. I wish-“ he cuts himself off with a deep sigh.

Alec wished he could feel tears welling in his eyes, that would make this so much less and so much more of everything that everyone expected of him. The words stung, at first, his heart aching and pulsing and nearly not beating at all, then falling back into the expected stoicism he possessed in droves. Alec wanted to be surprised, but then again, he never was one for any of the overly emotional, ridiculous meandering that threatened to overtake most of the population. Not to say that he was anything special, but he was raised to be rational, to a fault considering every relationship he had ever had crumbled around him very similar to this one. Alec could only hold onto a lover for a handful of weeks, maybe a month or two if the other person similarly lacked the emotional baggage that he refused to carry. He built himself little figures out of sand, sometimes in the shape of a man at the club, an intern at the firm, or the barista down the street. He held his hands very steady, at first, doing his best to make it last. Then inevitably befell him, and as his fingers twitched with a reasonable, always reasonable, desire to produce a tangible output, they melted away between his fingers, running like grains in an hourglass.

Alec could feel the allotted time with each new figure, their weight on his palms making it easy to determine the time he might have to take each one to bed and how messy the ending would be. He knew that this one, the bartender from his third favorite bar, would last a couple of weeks and would be messy enough to cause a bit of pain. Yet Alec’s desire for a good lay overruled his avoidance of other people’s contrite breakups.

When Andrew had knocked on his apartment door a few minutes earlier, Alec had wondered if tonight was the night. The look on Andrews's face confirmed his suspicions as he stood in the doorway, with something bubbling just beneath the surface. Irritation perhaps, maybe even disdain. Alec had little that he wanted to admit to himself, in terms of emotions and nonsensical blubbering, but this time, after shutting the door in the bartender’s face, he had to acknowledge that it wasn’t any anger or similar, it was exhaustion, and just a touch longing for something more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three Years Later

Alec had laid in bed, decadent golden sheets pooled around him and his husband as he recounted the story. It felt silly to still feel the sharp prod in his chest over the words.

“You’re just too much…” The phrase played in his head on repeat on days when he couldn’t fight demons any longer and he found himself gliding along the lip of the roof of his apartment. The waves of his mind were tumultuous and clung like dirty oil. He used to ponder the thought of hitting the pavement forty-some floors below. Now, he more often stood pressed against the railing of the balcony in a new building with the man he loved molded to his back like he was made for it.

Magnus was a godsend, a gift from the angels if Alec ever decided he believed in that sort of thing. They were perfect opposites in every aspect, emotional to guarded, flair to minimalism, white to black, spring to winter, and how glorious it was to be so perfectly balanced.

Alec was dragged back to the present with gentle kisses on his collar bone and a soft breath fluttering on his bare chest. The simple action warmed him, Magnus knew what it took to pull him out of his head. A professor and a conundrum, it took little effort to push and pull Alec to his flights of fancy with how in love he was.

“You know,” Magnus’s voice slipped into the flow of Alec's anxious thoughts, the anxiety diagnosis was something he was only beginning to get used to but now recognized it as his husband did, interrupting the stream of nervousness in the best of ways, “that he was wrong. You aren’t too much at all darling, he was just never enough.”

Magnus ended his statement with a kiss, not at all placid like the ones before, yet somehow still tender. This was firm and serious, a promise and an assurance. He could feel Magnus telling him with every press of his tongue and shift of his lips that Alec was everything, _everything_ to him.

Even now, all these years later, Alec was still as cold as he was to the outside world as he was in the beginning, at least, that was the front he liked to offer. He wasn’t though, Alec could feel himself melt when Magnus walked into the room. Lydia, his partner at the firm, liked to joke that Magnus was all the emotion and Alec was all the logic. She was only half right. No matter the rationale that overtook him, he could feel his eyes soften and his shoulders drop when his husband touched his shoulder and smiled the smile he reserved, just for Alec.


End file.
